Kareoke will never be a sober sport
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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