at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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