Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
