He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
