Farmville is her only friend.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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