I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
