Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
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