It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
