i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
