Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
