just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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