i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
