I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
