I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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