thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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