You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
