I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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