I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
