Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
