I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
