the condom got lost in my hair
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Randomize