Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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