this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
