just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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