when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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