When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I need moral support for this bender
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He? As in you personified your dick?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
