@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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