Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
