So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
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I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
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Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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