I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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