the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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