I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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