When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
