i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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