everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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