the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
