Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
