Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
