my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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