break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize