So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Your cock deserves a montage
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
