Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
