It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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