Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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