im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Randomize
