I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
So many bounce houses so little time
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
