im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
