no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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