I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
