I'm laying in your front yard are you home
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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