I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
