hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
