Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
