Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Where is the hickey?
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
