I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
