my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
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