Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
