you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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