Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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