Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Drunk walkin through police station. America
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
