I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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