Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
