He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
