Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
