I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
